Repairing relationships is all about rebuilding intimacy, (in-to-me-see). Look within and, rather than focus on the aspects within you that you do not want, focus on the aspects that you do want so you can build on these.
Relationships are all about the three of you! That’s right, there is always a threesome! You, your boyfriend/husband, and the relationship. We can use this model to evaluate the aspects within us in order to determine which ones to bring out and how to use them.
4 questions you need to ask yourself forget your ex-boyfriend/husband back
Look at each aspect through which you currently express and ask yourself the following:
In what way is this aspect good for me?
In what way is this aspect good for my boyfriend/husband?
In what way is this aspect good for our relationship?
What would love do now? How could I use this aspect in a loving way?
When it comes to relationships, question 3 is the deciding factor, if it is not good for the relationship, find another way by using question 4.
Let’s look at an relationship example when you have an aspect that expresses through anger and resentment:
- In what way is anger and resentment good for me? Answer; “I feel more powerful and more in control.”
- In what way is anger and resentment good for my boyfriend/partner? Answer, “It is not good for him as it is an open invitation for him to do the same!”
- In what way is anger and resentment good for my relationship? Answer, “it is not, because it creates distance and separation between us.”
- What would love do now? How can I use this aspect in a loving way? This is where the in-to-me-see comes in!
What is the anger and resentment all about? There is a good chance it is all about what you are not getting rather than what you want. Anger and resentment are a space of non-peace, and we all want to be in a space of love, joy and peace. So whose behaviour can you change? Really when it comes down to it, we can only choose to change our own behaviour. You can not make him do anything if he does not will to do it.
By asking the question, “What would love do now?” and “How can I use this aspect in a loving way?” I am extending an invitation to love, joy and peace to come in. If I want love, joy, and peace then I will choose to be love, joy and peace, no matter what! Then ask this question and wait for a response that feels more loving for you. When that answer comes, use it. Anger and resentment, when teamed with love, becomes determination! You can harness this power of determination by being determined to restore love and peace, and with that joy follows naturally. Frame your response up in a loving way such as, “Would you be willing to help me by……. so that I may experience more love, joy, peace and share that with you?”
We have been raised in a society that has a default, practiced and reinforced habit of “Shut down to love and react.” Shutting down to love is not good for relationships. If we are to value our relationships as being connected and in a space of love, joy and peace, then we need to bring this to our relationships. We need to be responsible in developing a new default, practiced and reinforced habit of, “Connect to love and respond.”
We each have a million ways that we can do this, but every response needs to fit into this habit of being connected to love first, so that it becomes practiced and eventually automatic. This is heaven on earth! Practice this and you will not only become a magnet to your ex-boyfriend/husband, but you will also teach him to do the same by modelling it. The benefits of living life this way are enormous, and great benefits build new habits very quickly! Be the love you are.
Rule No.1 = “There is only love.”
Rule No.2 = “If there is not love see Rule No.1”