When ever a relationship breaks down there is a need for healing time, a space to reflect on the journey travelled in the relationship, to be aware of your part in that journey and how you played it out. Once again it is all about intimacy, (in-to-me-see). This is a chance to re-evaluate the responses you habitually demonstrate in your intimate relationships, and as you become more aware of your habitual responses, you become more aware of the habitual responses of others.
When it comes down to it, we each have only two ways to respond. We either shut down to love and react, or connect to love and respond. If you have just been through a relationship breakdown and journeyed through the judgement and accusation of divorce, then there is a high chance that “Shut down and react” has become a well practiced way of being! This will take time to heal, with more time and practice to correct.
Step1 – How to get married after divorce: figure it out
Begin by noticing when you tend to shut down and react. Become familiar with what it feels like inside of you when times of shut down happen, and what was happening immediately before you were triggered into your old habit. Remember it is a habit and occurs ten times faster than you can think. Don’t dwell on it as this will reinforce the habit, and this is one habit you will want to kick in order to build a new successful relationship.
A good marriage requires the habit of “Connect to love and respond” so be discerning about this. Take every opportunity to do this as a gift and an opportunity to practice. The process is to notice you have shut down to love and realise that if you can shut down to love, you can also connect to love. Be determined to connect to love in any way that you can so that your responses will then flow from a loving space.
Step 2 – How to get married after divorce: practice
As you develop this new habit, practice it frequently with every opportunity that presents itself, you will soon become familiar with it. As this familiarity grows you will also notice the presence or absence of this new habit in your prospective partners. Do they “Connect to love and respond” in times of challenge, or do they “shut down and react?” Which habit do you want in your relationship? It’s a bit of a no brainer really! You may start to wonder how you had not seen this all along.
With the question of “How to get married after divorce” then, the answer is to connect strongly to a space of love, peace and joy within yourself, even in the face of challenges, being able to hold the truth of who you are, and becoming skilled at that. Then you may find a partner who is skilled at doing the same and willing to keep practicing and reinforcing this habit throughout the entire duration of your relationship.
As you build this habit in yourself you will naturally turn away prospective partners who are reactive rather than responsive, you will naturally attract partners who are responsive because they will recognise this quality in you, and marriage will follow in it’s own good time as a celebration of the joy and love that you both are,
Shutting down and reacting is a sign of weakness and that the person views themselves as not good enough. Connecting to love and responding is a demonstration of strength and a sign that the person recognises the truth of who they truly are, not just seeing this worth in them selves but also in all others. Be wiser, slower and more discerning about choosing a new partner and use this longer time frame to examine your aspects in depth from this frame. How long will this take? Well that is up to you. Use every trigger as a gift to practice your new habit, that way there are no problems, just opportunities to practice connecting to the love that you are and responding.